


Spideypool: The Musical

by AdorabloodthirstyKitty



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, M/M, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-01
Updated: 2016-04-03
Packaged: 2018-05-30 13:34:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6425965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AdorabloodthirstyKitty/pseuds/AdorabloodthirstyKitty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The days of Spiderman and Deadpool set to music.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ready, Set, Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://soundcloud.com/caravan-palace-official/lone-digger
> 
> I have this headcanon that peter watches cowboy bebop on occasion and it may or may not influence his fighting style. got the headcanon after reading this great comic  
> http://hannahblumenreich.tumblr.com/post/141936003298/that-take-out-is-going-to-be-freezing-by-the-time#_=_  
> the whole thing led to this, I just had to write spidey fighting to this song

It was a mild day in New York, Peter swinging from the rooftops with his headphones in, music on low as he passed over quieter neighborhoods. He wasn't really patrolling, the sun still shining bright in the sky. He'd just needed a break from homework, deciding some fresh air would do him some good. The backpack strapped to his back thumped his back as he turned a corner, his mp3 player and some extra street clothes jostling around as he flew over the streets. He hummed along to the song playing through the tiny speakers in his ears, a song from The Hobbit soundtrack playing over the sound of air rushing past as he swung, the traffic and pedestrians walking below. It was peaceful, an easy smile settling on his face before his spidey sense flared up, swinging around to stop along a wall of an older townhouse. He listened past the speakers wedged in his ears under his mask, easily hearing a gruff voice and two panicked voices somewhere down a nearby alley. He stayed near the roof, staying on the wall of the building as he made his way around the corner, soon spotting a mugger with two men alongside him surrounding a couple, the man shielding his wife from the men looming over them. Peter immediately dropped to the ground, landing lightly a couple feet away just as the main guy pulled out a knife, brandishing it at the couple.

"Isn't three against two a bit unfair?" he called out, quickly catching the attention of all five people in the alley. The mugger and his men turned away from their would-be victims, giving the couple just enough time to run down the alley toward the street in the opposite direction. They were near the mouth of the alley when the muggers realized their mistake, cursing as the other two pulled out handguns, pointing them toward the couple just as they turned the corner and sprinted out of sight. One of them cursed again, both men turning back to the superhero who had interrupted them with deep scowls. The main mugger pointed his knife toward Spiderman, a deep frown etched into his face.

"You just cost us a whole lotta money, freak," he growled, face a snarl. His men moved closer, Peter's eyes flicking between the three before landing back on the main man.

"Sorry, I'm broke."

"Too bad for you, then, isn't it?" the mugger replied, flicking his knife toward him, signaling for his men to move. They both began raising their guns toward Peter, remembering his mp3 player was still playing when he heard a song playing in his ears, raising his own arms quickly to disarm the main man's goons.

 _ **Baby can you move it round the rhythm**_  
_**So we can get with 'em,**_  
_**To the ground and get us a rock and roll round**_  
_**Just a downtown body body coming with a super-hottie**_  
_**Let's go, yes, no, hell no**_

Peter shot webbing out at both men simultaneously, pulling their guns back and quickly wrapping them in webbing. He tossed the weapons aside, all three running straight for him, the main man still wielding a knife. He flipped overhead, landing behind all of them and quickly turning to wrap one of the men against the wall with his webs, pulling the knife from the main guy with the other hand and tossing the weapon down the alley. The two remaining men ran toward him at opposite sides, adrenaline pumping as he leapt again to avoid both attacks.

 _ **Baby can you move it round the rhythm**_  
_**Cause you know we're living in the fast lane, speed up**_  
_**It ain't no game, just turn up all the beams when I come up on the scene**_

He landed lightly on his feet, turning to wrap the main man up, his spidey senses flaring just in time for him to bend back, dodging a knife from the goon he hadn't tied up yet. He stood as the criminal drew his hand back, spinning around him to keep out of the reach of his knife before kicking his arm, making the knife go flying out of his reach. The man watched the knife go soaring briefly before glaring at Peter, eyes going wide behind his mask as he bent back again, avoiding a punch that would have sent him flying. He bent back all the way until his hands were on the ground, bracing his arms before lfting his feet to kick out at the goon, knocking him back a couple feet, the air leaving his lungs in one big burst.

He quickly jumped back to his feet, eyes on the main man, who had ripped apart the partial web-job and was eyeing Peter warily, looking for a weakness. Peter raised his arm to web him up but the man quickly dodged it, his movements surprisingly quick for someone so burly, the webbing landing in a heap on the ground a few feet away. Before Peter could decide on what to do the man was charging him, swerving around the quick bursts of webbing Peter tried to trap him in, another knife in hand.

Just before he swiped at him Peter flipped straight up, shooting webbing onto a telephone wire hanging overhead to pull himself up, swinging forward and turning back around to kick the mugger in the back, sending him flying forward. He shot webbing again, catching the man before he could skid against the ground and wrapping him up mid-air, the cocoon-like structure protecting him from roadrash as he bounced harmlessly to a stop. He tried wriggling free but only managed to roll back and forth, making Peter chuckle at the sight as he dropped back down to the ground. He quickly made another line of web connecting the mugger to the wire above, wrapping both of the others in a similar fashion before sticking them all together in a large pile. He made sure to clear up the excess webbing, shoving it in his backpack for now before heading around the corner to call the police to pick up the men tangled in his web. He hung up the old payphone, making sure his backpack was still secure around his shoulders before shooting another web and swinging away, determined to get home and finish the homework he'd been procrastinating on all afternoon. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Lone Digger" Caravan Palace
> 
> not sure if this will have plot but for now enjoy! next chapter will be a lot deadlier, and a lot poolier!


	2. It's Deadpool Bitch

A line of black SUVs pulled up to the hotel, a robust moustached man climbing out of one of the cars along with a couple huge, muscular bodyguards and several other men and women. The group headed straight past the reception area to the elevators, a few men heading up the stairs, leaving the main man, his two bodyguards, and the two women to wait for the elevators. Soon the doors slid open, the group heading in, one of the women hitting the button for the top floor.

A few minutes later both groups regrouped in front of the door to the only suite on the floor, one of the bodyguards pulling out a keycard and opening the door for everyone. As the group split apart to go to separate areas of the huge penthouse suite a knock rang out at the door, one of the bodyguards heading over to see who it was with a frown. He opened the door, surprised to find nothing in the hall but a small package wrapped in red paper with a bow on top. He called to one of the other men, neither of them touching the suspicious package until everyone had moved back a few feet. Very carefully they lifted the lid off, expecting a bomb but finding nothing but a clear cd case. The bodyguard crouched down to pull it out of the box, flipping it over and examining it before turning it back around. It was a cd, blank except for the 'PLAY ME!' in big black letters along the front. He shut the door and headed to the stereo system, putting the cd in to find out what the hell it was.

The room fell silent, waiting to see what would happen before the first few notes of "Baby One More Time" burst through the speakers throughout the huge room, Britney Spears' voice bouncing off the walls. The tension in the room dropped immediately, the bodyguard huffing out a laugh. He turned to the other people in the room, his boss's men smiling, chuckling, or generally looking miffed. The big man huffed out a laugh, heading to his room, the other guard following to guard the bedroom door. They kept the song playing, the room relaxing before another knock cut through the music, one of the boss's men closest to the door heading over to open it.

"Oh man, I love this song!" an unfamiliar voice rang out as the door opened, the unknown visitor blocked from view by the boss's man.

"Who the fu-" The nameless henchman was quickly cut off, two matching katanas sliding through his body, the man gurgling and twitching before going still. The other men and women in the room watched as Deadpool strode in, their colleague still dangling from his blades before the mercenary tilted them down, the body sliding off and falling in a heap to the floor. Deadpool looked up, grinning from behind his mask at the rest of the room, head bobbing to the beat of the song still playing through the speakers.

"Kill him!" one of the men shouted, pulling a gun and aiming it at the masked man, the others quickly doing the same. The mercenary didn't seem phased in the slightest, shaking some of the blood from his swords before holding them up, humming along as Britney Spears continued playing.

 _"My loneliness is killin me..."_ the mercenary sang, cutting through two nearby men before they had the chance to pull the triggers of their guns, lifting his twin blades so quickly they were a blur of motion as the rest of the room shot at him.

He kept moving, three men coming to surround him, trying to find an opening. Before they could get a successful hit one was sent gurgling to the ground, throat slit. Another decapitated completely, his head bouncing to the floor as his body fell. The third, eyes wide in fear, shot while the merc was cutting through his associates, the bullet lodging firmly in his chest. He paused his onslaught, stumbling back slightly and hissing out a curse before locking eyes with the man who'd shot him.

 _"Give me a sign.. hit me baby one more time!"_ he sang, his words punctuated by an elbow to the head of the henchman, a knee to the crotch, and a shot to the head, one katana thrown into the torso of one of the dead men as the mercenary pulled a gun from his hip and killed the last of the three musketeers.

Only four were left standing in the room with the merc, the two women and the hulking bodyguards. Deadpool looked to the bodyguard closest to him, eyebrow rising behind his mask.

"Boss man really has a thing for the mafia, huh? Suits and black SUVs and you two?" he asked, pointing between the two bodyguards in matching black t-shirts that clung to their muscled torsos.

"Seriously, Tiny, do you shop at Baby Gap? Buy a shirt that isn't three sizes too small, we all know you're ripped," he went on, still addressing the guard standing at the radio. A shot rang out, the mercenary raising his katana so quickly it was nothing but a flash of grey before stopping in front of his head, two halves of a bullet falling to the floor. He turned toward the shooter, a woman with dark, curly hair and a steely expression. He studied her slightly, letting out a low whistle.

"Damn lil mama lemme whisper in ya ear," he murmured, before making his way toward her so quickly no one saw it coming, the merc across the room in a couple seconds, both katanas in hand. The woman's eyes widened, flipping backward out of the way of his blades before landing in a crouch, sweeping her leg forward and tripping the man, knocking him flat to the ground with a comical 'oof!'

 The guard at the door yelled a quick 'go!', both women bolting for another room toward the emergency stairwell, their unexpected guest cursing on the floor. 'Tiny' came forward, staying out of the way of the man's katanas, which were still in his hands. He pulled his gun and held it steady despite the adrenaline rushing through his bloodstream, pointing directly at the masked face of the man on the floor.

In a flury of motion the merc was up again, cutting through the air and through the arm of the man pointing the gun, a bloodcurdling scream ripped from his throat as his severed forearm fell to the floor in a spurt of blood. The scream was cut off suddenly, both blades sinking into his chest and straight through, the guard slumping lifelessly on the blades. The room was dead silent, the last remaining guard still at the door, swallowing hard as the mercenary stood straight, the other guard's body still hanging from the blades.

The mercenary paused, shaking his katanas to rid them of the huge weight, but the body stayed, jiggling back and forth slightly. "God dammit Tiny," the merc muttered, bracing a foot against the dead man's chest as he pushed the body down the blades. "Get. Off. Fucking. Ugh," he gritted out, the body finally slipping off and falling with a loud thump. The mercenary then turned to the last remaining guard in the room, chin jutting forward defiantly, gun pointed squarely at the mercenary's head.

_**[Really?]**_

_{He really thinks that's gonna do shit?}_

"Wow," the merc scoffed, bolting forward and easily cutting through the bullets aimed at him, soon running a blade through the man's stomach, blood flowing from the wound before Deadpool kicked the door of the bedroom in, the body still jerking on his katana. The big boss stood near the back of the room at the side of the huge bed, eyes wide at the sight of his guard falling lifelessly from Deadpool's blade.

"Who the hell are you?" the big boss gaped, eyeing the blood spatter all over the red suit and the body of one of his best guards on the ground at his feet.

"Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die," the man smirked, cutting through the room swiftly before running his blade through the man's stomach, the other slicing through his neck.

The head of his target bounced to the floor, the room silent. Deadpool pulled his blade from the man's stomach, wiping the blood off on the body before stooping down to pick up the head. He rummaged through one of his pouches, pulling out a burner phone and turning the camera on, holding the severed head beside his.

"Say cheese!" he grinned, snapping a picture of him with the head of the late druglord and sending it to his employers, dropping the head back to the ground. He headed back out to the living room, looking over the mess before spotting the door across the way, deciding to take the stairs. He thought idly of the two women who'd gotten away but decided not to bother. They weren't in the job description, he'd let them go. He headed down the stairs, wiping his blades with a cloth as he made his way down to the ground floor, finally coming out in an alley at the side of the building. He sheathed his katanas and made his way back to the apartment, eager to grab some lunch on the way as he rummaged around in his pouch again, soon pulling out a worn radio with his name taped across the front in red crayon. He messed with the dials, stopping on a station when he heard the beginnings of 'Hollaback Girl' come through the speakers, Gwen Stefani's voice ringing through the alley as he bobbed his head and put the radio in his pouch, singing along as he headed home.


End file.
